10 Common Traps & Pitfalls for Subs / Bottoms

1. Idolizing Doms or giving them authority too quickly

Early excitement can make new subs hand over trust long before someone has earned it.

2. Mistaking intensity for safety

Strong chemistry, subspace, or attraction can cloud judgment and hide red flags.

3. Not knowing your limits before entering the scene

If you can’t advocate for your boundaries, someone will inevitably cross them.

4. Believing submission is “selfless”

Submission is an exchange — not self-sacrifice. You don’t owe pain, obedience, or emotional labor.

5. Confusing “dominant” with “healthy”

Someone can be commanding, charismatic, or sexually skilled and still be unsafe or unethical.

6. Failing to vet your partners

Many newcomers assume a Dom’s confidence = credibility. It doesn’t. Vetting protects you.

7. Feeling pressured to be “low maintenance”

Subs often avoid voicing needs or fears because they don’t want to “ruin the vibe.”

8. Using kink to cope with emotional wounds

If BDSM becomes a way to escape self-worth issues, trauma bonds and unhealthy dependency form quickly.

9. Not recognizing manipulation disguised as “training”

Fake Doms use language like “prove yourself” or “trust me blindly” to bypass consent.

10. Neglecting aftercare for yourself

Subs think only Doms “provide” aftercare — but you need to advocate for what your mind and body require.